just in case

all this traffic and my careless driving
the newspaper today morning offers no respite
and yesterday during teabreak someone looked at my palm
and said my life line was very short

iam sure you will reach this space somehow
not now but when you are old enough to read
without running your index finger under every word,
without me next to you
when you are not sitting on my lap anymore

and i dont know if you remember me at all
and the wonderful time we have had.
but my love can never leave you completely
i will live on in your smiles , in your tears
in your songs, when you fall and when you pick yourself up

when you were born Samuel, i was still a girl
unprepared and still searching
but when i held you for the first time
i knew happiness. it was three in the morning
a very cold july morning and i felt like a queen.

you were born four weeks early. i was impatient
tired with the waiting. i didn't listen to your grandmother
i washed all your baby clothes in advance,
laughed at her superstitions, cleaned all the cobwebs
balanced on a chair atop my old desk.

but when the water broke that night
i was scared. that maybe you wouldn't make it.
and i buried my head in the pillow at the labour room and cried.
but then when you arrived you were so handsome
and the doctor exclaimed that you were not a day early.

you are only eight but you give me so much joy
to watch you play batmintion and win
when you rattle the the states and capital for your social studies test
when you fight with me when i tie up the puppy
when you hold your chest out and smile

Sarah, you were born with your eyes open
precocious. beautiful and content .
the perfect little girl. my knee, your favorite perch.
you arms tight around me ,you bind me to life.
splashing light on me with your crayon colours

no you weren't planned.
your brother was not yet 2 when you arrived.
my neighbours thought i was a fool.
our maid cautioned me indoors during the solar eclipse
but i couldnt. mayabe thats why you are so special

for now i sleep between the two of you
in between my own version of Cinderalla
rumblestliskin and Snow white.
for now i know i live near angels
blessed with innocence love righteousness

and my heart has never encountered a stronger tug
and my life is blessed . twice over.
and if i didn't climb Mount Everest or get to say that well rehearsed oscar speech
its alright. i got the chance to be your mother.
you taught me how to love.